Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
