So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
