ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
