you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
