I think I died a long time ago.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
