I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
