it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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