Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
