She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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