God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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