he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
