im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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