peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
