So how was he last night?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
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jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
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Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off