You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
