Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
