Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
