Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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