i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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