Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
