i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.