Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized

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  (913): So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized http://tfl.nu/gtwy
  Replies (53) Good night (5095) Bad night (998)
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  (631): View more from New York

  peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york

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  (631): peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york http://tfl.nu/xd1t
  Replies (13) Good night (2963) Bad night (652)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Are you talking about my vagina?

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  (252): Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it (919): Are you talking about my vagina? http://tfl.nu/sfmr
  Replies (29) Good night (8813) Bad night (917)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.

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  (815): come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/ur6c
  Replies (20) Good night (2104) Bad night (5492)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything

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  (716): I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything http://tfl.nu/duov
  Replies (4) Good night (1536) Bad night (814)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.

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  (848): Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired. http://tfl.nu/ghfv
  Replies (8) Good night (2281) Bad night (542)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water

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  (405): You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water http://tfl.nu/d1ur
  Replies (5) Good night (1573) Bad night (633)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.

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  (972): I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards. http://tfl.nu/fq92
  Replies (8) Good night (1673) Bad night (550)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.

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  (425): Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her. http://tfl.nu/tvge
  Replies (1) Good night (567) Bad night (1039)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room

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  (413): You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room http://tfl.nu/ree5
  Replies (5) Good night (1142) Bad night (534)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake

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  (815): I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake http://tfl.nu/t4t1
  Replies (4) Good night (1059) Bad night (331)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.

  (1-506): View more from New Brunswick

  Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.

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  (505): She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once. (1-506): Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring. http://tfl.nu/s5ra
  Replies (7) Good night (2090) Bad night (357)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I can't remember dinner

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"

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  (850): I can't remember dinner (1-850): Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!" http://tfl.nu/mx63
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (253)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?

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  (479): Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday? http://tfl.nu/k0ma
  Replies (8) Good night (576) Bad night (283)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.

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  (870): I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong. http://tfl.nu/b6l6
  Replies (2) Good night (484) Bad night (250)

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