Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine