three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!