You're my little dorito
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree