im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
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Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive