i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE