That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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