I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
