U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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