The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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