They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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