White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
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Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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