Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
