Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
