I wish I only lived at night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
