he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
