sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
