Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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