But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
