I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
