are you still at the devil's house?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
