He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And the cops told us we were all naked.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
