OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
