I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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