She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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