Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
