I want to have your abortion
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I love you. Go after that dick
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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