I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
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They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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