what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize