The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
