Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
