If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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