So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
