Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
