So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
