uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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