Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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