sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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