he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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