As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
