Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
