do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
