Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
