Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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