had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
