Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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