Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
