Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
