sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
